Are there times when you feel like you keep making the same mistake over and over? Or are you always prepared for the worst? Do you experience ups and downs, sometimes within the same hour? Do you consider yourself to be the tough guy or girl with a heart of gold? Do you like to turn a blind eye to things? Or do you go by the mantra ‘a good offence is the best defence’?
If so: welcome to the club of people dealing with persistent patterns! You are the textbook guest for our Huis voor Schematherapie, if you are willing to face your problems head-on.
This page contains a few stories of people who may benefit from schema therapy. Do you recognise yourself in these examples? Then register, and we can see together whether our treatment could benefit you.
“I turn a blind eye to everything”
Angela, 67 years old
My grandchildren and my children mean the world to me. That’s why I fee so guilty when I feel anxious about babysitting. But my children have busy jobs, and I offered to help them out myself. Besides, child care is so expensive! Ever since the birth of my fifth grandchild, I have to admit that I’ve noticed that things have gotten a little bit too busy. And I cannot cope with things that well any more physically. I have been in a lot of pain since my knee operation. But I get on very well with my grandkids and I can help my children out. That’s the most important thing. Maybe I should stop moaning so much. But I’d like to be able to set my own boundaries more.
“It’s all ups and downs for me”
Chelsey, 23 years old
Ever since my relationship ended, I’ve been on a bender. Partying, flirting, the occasional one-night stand. I have a lot of mixed feelings about this. Afterwards, I feel quite bad about things. But when I am alone, I feel the need for company. When a guy is being sweet to me, I simply can’t say ‘no’. My ex sometimes did not know how to handle me. I tend to get jealous easily, and I would get really angry with him. But that would make me feel guilty, so afterwards I would bend over backwards to make things right with him. Again: mixed feelings! It was quite confusing, also for him. But sometimes I cannot control my feelings, and that makes me feel bad.
‘A good offence is the best defence’
Mehmet, 42 years old
I only do the bare minimum. Working, praying, or occasionally swimming with the kids. But I prefer locking myself up in the house. On the outside, even the smallest things get on my nerves. Somebody cutting in line at the store, for example. Being a Turkish immigrant, I’ve always had to stand up for myself. In school, I was the only child of colour. There was a lot of prejudice about me and my family. My father used to say: “Don’t let them push you around!” It was sound advice back then, but not any more. I get into a lot of fights with people. I trust nobody. When I am at home, I am much quieter and more fun to be around. I would like to feel good outside the house as well.
"Only the best is good enough”
Tristan, 19 years old
I am exhausted. I'm in my second year of university and I put in a lot of hours for my studies. I’m doing well, but that’s mainly because I prepare everything to the last detail. If I have an exam, I start studying for it well in advance. I make a daily planning, and I stick to it. Also, I prefer working alone. Other people simply don’t put in as much time or effort. And it shows in the end result. And yes, I am aware that I should be doing more fun stuff, but I am afraid that my grades will drop if I do. Yet still, I would like to be a bit less of a perfectionist about things.
“Silence is golden”
Amy, 35 years old
I feel down and tired over and over again. Sometimes, things go well for a few months, but then it suddenly all goes downhill again. That’s the way things have always been for me. At school, I was a bit of a misfit. My mum was just as sombre as I am. My dad worked very hard. We never talked about feelings at home. I still find that very difficult and strange to deal with. What I love most is lying on the sofa. But then, I also want to feel good about myself. I think there is a connection with my childhood. It scares me, but I have to learn to speak up. And I need help to do that.
"It’s lonely at the top”
Peter, 50 years old
I always want to be the best. And I’ve done pretty well, I think. My company is achieving good results. My staff respects me, and that’s something that I really enjoy. But on the other hand, I often feel empty. I have very few close friends, and my wife left me. After twenty years of marriage, she got tired of me not noticing her enough. I can understand that - I can be a dominant person. I try to adapt, but I can’t keep that up for very long. I would like to change, so that don’t have to always get my way and get to learn to work together better.